… I Guess That Would Work

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So, to follow up Razib Ahmed’s post of earlier today, it seems some British boffin has figured out how to lick the cellphone cheating problem. And just let me join The Register in declaring what a dumb idea this is.

I mean, in theory it’s a brilliant and straightforward solution to a novel problem. Wireless technology creating problems? Just erect an anti-wireless cage! Cue the Guiness Beer spokesguys: “Brilliant!”

Or not. As The Register’s reporter notes, the expense here is rather prohibitive and does absolutely nothing to address the potential problem of using cell phones as sophisticated cheat sheets: cribbing notes on likely exam topics into a pre-set note or text message that can be accessed at will, and doesn’t need to be requested live. So, I think in addition to the Faraday cage erected in the room, once all students are seated, the room should be subjected to an Electro-Magnetic Pulse, or EMP. The bonus here, of course, is that the Faraday cage will protect everything outside the room from the effects of the EMP while rendering all the cell phones and portable electronic devices not only mute, but permanently dead.

Unless, of course, the clever student places his or her precious cellphone in a small, portable Faraday cage in their backpack. One could even weave the necessary mesh of copper wire into a stylish pouch or belt-carrier.

And so the cycle of cheater and counter-cheater technology escalates until all students are preventatively killed with a small thermonuclear device just before the exams are distributed. But, I say, if it’s what must be done in order to ensure the integrity of the academic process, then so be it. I’ll gladly offer my firstborn son on the thermonuclear pyre of academia.

Or, you know, not.

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